I understand all the reasons why it's looked down on. I do. What I don't understand is, how making rude comments about teen moms in a generalized way, does anything positive...changes anything at all. So many times a teen mom will not be as responsible for their child(ren), they usually cant afford to fully take care of them without assistance, some put their responsibility off on others...and the list goes on. BUT, NOT all teen moms fall under this stereotype. Just like not all responsible(seemingly), older, well established, older parents fall under the "good parent" award category. I've seen teen moms run circles around mothers who would be considered, by most our standards, to be "ready" for motherhood. It's so hard not to make general statements, stereotypical statements...but we have to remember when we do, we just may be including in that, those that just don't belong.
My mom was 16 when I was born. Not only did she become a mom at 16, she became the mother of a child with a disability. At 16 she followed behind an ambulance that was taking her 3 day old in for surgery. Did she have help from family? Yes. Was she ready for all of that? Who really would be, 16 or 30?
What I do believe is, that while I do hate to see a young teenager get pregnant and become a parent at too early of an age, my teen mom what just the mom I needed. She and my dad did not have a college fund set up for me, they were not Mr. and Mrs. when they conceived me, they were no where near ready to start a family, they were still, in a way, kids themselves...all those things typically linked to teen parenthood...they possessed. So why do I think my teen mom was just the mom I needed? I can't imagine how my life would have turned out had I been born to older, financially stable, more responsible adults. My mom never missed an appt. Those all day, horrible, exhausting days of testing. Xrays, labs, EKG, monitors, therapy, etc,etc, etc. She was there. When I had surgery, I never remember one single time I ever closed my eyes with out her being the last person I saw...and I never remember opening my eyes and NOT seeing her there. I can remember her curling up in the hospital bed with me, rubbing my back, talking to me, tucking my hair behind my ears. I remember one surgery I had, I started crying and screaming when they were taking me back on the stretcher. I guess I was 6 maybe. I had my arms stretched out and was yelling for her and my dad. I can still see the look on her face. My dad standing there with his arm over her shoulder, and her waving at me, her other hand lightly on her lips with tears running down her face. My teen mom. The first surgery I remember having was when I was 5. I woke up and shortly after returning to my room, went into an absolute fit. I'm not sure where I get my memory of these things from...my Mama Mary could remember anything ...guess I get it from her:) I can hear the doctors saying I was hurting, scared, still confused from the anesthesia...that was not it at all tho. Guess who knew what was really wrong with me? Yep, my teen mom. They had matted my hair down before surgery. I am not sure with what, but when I reached up to twirl my hair in my fingers...It felt like my hair was gone. I must have been too upset to say what was wrong, because I didn't. It didn't, bc she knew. She insisted she or the nurses wash my hair immediately. I remember after, she took her fingers and ran them through my hair. She took my hand and placed it in my hair. When I think if this memory now, I think immediately of Paisley. How I can see her being totally upset for all the not so normal reasons. I was upset bc of my hair, not because I was in pain, scared bc I had been in surgery, none of the normal reasons...but my hair:)
I have stories for days. My mother had her faults, what mom doesn't. She may not have been ready for me, had a college degree, involved in a career, owned a home, had a savings account...but she was a MOM. She made mistakes, like we all do. She learned as she went, like we all do. Had I been born to a mother that was considered "ready" for a child...I'm not quiet so sure I'd be the person I am today. I was never sheltered, never allowed to use my chair as an excuse, never treated any differently than my sister. I never had an accessible shower, van, yard, room, house, nothing but a ramp. If I needed a cup, I climbed the counter and got one. If I needed a bath, I got in the tub and took one. If I wanted to play, I went outside and played. When we went anywhere, I got out of my chair, into the car and buckled up. Some may think, that's crazy. It's not crazy, it was perfect. I went to regular school, I sat in regular desks, I played on the playground, If I wanted to spend the night with a friend...I did bc I did not have to worry about their home being accessible..bc mine was not. I know so many children need all those things bc it is a necessity. But I did not. Had my parents been older I do think more emphasis would have been placed on making things "easier" for me. I'm glad I never had that "luxury". My home today has a ramp. My car has hand controls. I have a wheelchair. That is as far as my modifications go in my life. I do things differently, yes...but without any special accessibility equipment.
My point is, teen parenthood could have happened to sooooo many of us. If we had sex before we were married and while still a teen...it could have happened to any of us. There never is an across the board, "ready" parent. William and I were ready...but I can't tell you how overwhelmed I was even at 26, married, owning a home, etc. Not all teen moms are great moms, not all adults moms are great moms. Sometimes, age just really is insignificant. I am so thankful that I was the daughter of a teen mom. She is responsible for so much of my strength, character, personality...so much a part of that. I love my Independence, always have. I love that I was expected to clean my room just like sister, I had the same chores, the same expectations, the same punishments...equal.
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