I change my hair color, sometimes to colors not natural...pink...purple:) I love make-up. I love to wear it, change it up, try new things, new eye techniques, MAKEUP! It's been a while, but I do love getting my nails "did"...fake ones, that is. I love clothes. Clothes that are "in" and sometimes clothes that are "last season". I will buy a cheap pair of fake sunglasses in a minute...way faster than some crazy expensive pair for suuuuure. I wear perfume and paint my nails with glitter. I blow dry and straighten or curl my hair most any time I go out. I usually have earrings in that come close to touching my shoulders. My slouchy may be someone else's "dressed up". I prefer tshirts and flip flops LEAST. I own very few tshirts. I put sugar in my coffee and sugar in my tea. I do like being smaller(healthier) as opposed to heavier. I'm amplified. If it's fun, it's suuuuuuuuper fun to me. If I drop my keys while carrying groceries...that is the MOST angry I think I get. If my roof caved in, I'd prob be all "no problem". I am nice to everyone, even people I don't have much in common with or even like much for that matter. I open my mouth and say things I regret. Things I shouldn't even think much less say. I smile when I feel like crying. I cry over the most insignificant things;) I have bling in my lip. I'd like a tattoo... or two, eventually. All those things are a part of who I am, things I like, stuff I enjoy. They are all "fake" in a sense...right? Yep.
Am I always genuinely REAL? Nope. Most people that claim their "realness" are not much diff if they are really honest about it.
I am real enough to say that I am NOT always real.
What is real about me, is the stuff that matters. I may not be real good for some and I may be too good for others.
I really do try and smile so often it becomes habit. Is is fake sometimes? Yes. Someone may ask me out in public...a COMPLETE stranger, "What is wrong with you?" or "What happened to you?" "Oh and let's not forget-"You are too pretty to be in that chair." "How do you take care of a child?" "You can't walk but you still smile."(believe it or not, I actually don't think it's thaaaat bad down here) "YOU drive?" ... goodness, the list actually goes on lol! I smile at those comments and questions. Well, I try. Most the time I try and answer politely. I am rolling my eyes, shaking my head, and holding back a lot of choice words , inside, REALly tho. I have to remind myself that what may offend me, may not someone else. Words that may upset others, may not phase me. Sometimes people are ignorant and nosey...sometimes they seriously do mean no harm at all and may be some of the nicest people on Earth. So, I smile. Regardless how STUPID, inappropriate and disrespectful the comments and questions come across to me as, I try and smile. Is it fake sometimes? OH yes and yes and YESsss! Have I ever put my foot in my mouth, said the wrong things at the wrong time? Yep. So I try and cut some slack. Sometimes people that know me well, say the "wrong" things...but I know they care. I'd rather have people that care, and unintentionally say the wrong things than no one at all. Most people mean no harm in what they say.
Regardless if I smile when I am happy vs when I am annoyed, sad, angry, etc...it's still my smile. My choice of response to whatever someone says, whatever happens to me, whatever the situation. If I smile bc it's heart felt and automatic or if I smile bc it's forced...it's still real to me.
All my fake loves like nails, hair color, makeup, earrings, glitter, clothes, shoes, hair style etc...fake as they are, they are ME. They are things I like bc I like them. Fake as they are, they are small decorations of the real me.
My hobbies are the same hobbies shared my millions...doesn't make me less original. Not many things are really original anymore, they are just given personal touches. Most everything we do and create has been done before. Maybe a little differently, but no matter how original we try and be...we still are little mimics of others around us and others before us. What makes it real is that we own it. I own how I paint, how I dress, how I act and how I do me. I own it. It may be little mimics of people all around me, people that have came and went before me, but it's my own unique MIX of mimic. Nothing absolutely, 100% original...but a unique mix of mimic, of what's "already been done", a little fake and a little natural:)
I am a people pleas errr. Bad trait sometimes. I don't share the arguments I have with my husband to the world... or even a handful of people for that matter. I don't share all my dreams, I don't share all my failures, I don't share all my anger, I don't share all my bad days, some things I just choose not to share or broadcast.
I hide bad photos photos of myself. I try and forget my ungraceful moments. I put my talents on display proudly. On days I think I look my best, I may take a photo of myself. OK, not may...I do;) I boast about how sweet, loving and smart my little girl is and usually keep more quiet about her temper, tantrums, and how many times she has to go to time out any given day. I let the world know how helpful, loving, considerate, patient, and sweet my husband is. No one needs to be let in on the bad days. All relationships have those...but sharing the bad with the world only lets negative in. I am a firm believer in sharing positive, happy things. But I rarely let ugly out in the open. It's not putting on a front, it's being responsible with feelings, emotions and relationships. Some people are slow to share good, some slow to share bad. What really matters is those moments which we will want to look back on in a few days, months, years from now...what will really MATTER then. Will I care that Paisley spilled stuff on the floor all day, or will I most want to remember that time she wrapped her arms around me and said "I love you big as the sky!"? Will I want to be reminded of that time William didn't wash the dishes or left a mess after a project or will I want to look back with a smile on the time I came out of the bedroom to a wild flower sitting on our dinning room table in a plastic drinking cup? See, I just smiled so big thinking about that day<3
I am not always happy. I am not always perfect. My relationship has its faults. My parents get under my skin. My sister is completely opposite from me in so many ways. My child has the most horrible temper I've ever came across, I think she gets it from me;). My house is a mess some days and I absolutely go into a frenzy about it. The litter box gets out of control and my dog jumps on people bc she thinks she is 2lbs instead of 80lbs. My legs are usually more hairy than smooth. I wear paint covered, holey clothes more than my cute, over the top outfits. I pick William's boxer shorts up off the floor most every day of my life. My cat got fleas this year and has thrown up on my bed 3 times in the last month. I can't draw worth a poot. I am absolutely terrified to catch a ball. I have a big, ugly nose. One ear sticks out further than the other and one foot is half a shoe size bigger than the other. I am a total baby when I am sick. I am way bad with money. I am most always, always late. I say yes even when I am already overwhelmed. I love going overboard on everything. I buy Paisley way more than she needs. I read my bible so much less than I should. I don't go to church regularly. I hate not having the last word but I hate stirring up conflict. I am not always blunt and I don't always say what I really feel or mean. I talk about people sometimes before I even realize it. I love kids but I don't have a want to be around a lot of them and often. My family is a circus more times than a civil group of adults. I don't have a group of friends that all are mutual friends...they mostly are a mix of all different "types" of people and personalities. I am so last minute. I judge in others the same traits I possess at times. I have favorites when I shouldn't. I am a very bad visitor(I rarely visit family, they usually visit me)... and I could go on for dayyyyys. I have faults from here to next year.
I have learned you can't please everyone. No matter if you are Mother Teresa, you still will piss people off. (I say piss and I say bad words...but only around certain ppl. in fact, saying piss in this blog was really difficult for me). People will see you and call you out on being fake in every aspect they feel self conscious about in themselves. People will say you are following the crowd. I really hope the people that don't follow "the crowd" realize they are too following a crowd...the crowd that does not follow the crowd.(does that make sense? it does to me at least lol). I look at the things people do, say, like, buy, etc and think "they are trying to be like me." That's normal for us all I think. I was thinking about that the other day and thought to myself a few things:
Who cares if someone is trying to copying anything I do. Go for it. I wish you all the luck. I have enough confidence, or at least I should, in myself and all that I am and all that I do to not feel inferior or upset when any person finds they like something that I like. If it upsets me, that has more to do w me than them. I am sure millions disagree...but I agree with what I just said. I was not the first to do it, wear it, say it, think of it... so I can't expect to be the last right? We are all the same in so many ways, we are all different in so many ways. All my faults and all my bad days and all the faults of the ones I love...I am not any more real for sharing them, than sharing all my more happy, good, positives make me not real. I am aware that the happiest of people have bad days, and even if they are trying to make me feel less than they are...I am the one in control of the outcome of that. I have to remind myself that the most negative people, no matter how much they make me want to shake positive into them, are still good people. We get so caught up in who is doing what, who is accomplishing more, who is accomplishing less, who is fake, who is real, who is mean, who is nice, who is rich, who is poor, who has style, who has none, who is successful, and it's exhausting. We all act like we are in a race at times. We need to be less concerned with what people are doing unless we want to encourage them. Less concerned with what people have unless we want to give to them. less concerned with people's heartbreaks and lows unless we are wanting to be there for them. It has to begin with ME. I can't expect from others that which I am not myself. I have to become this person before I can expect anyone else to be that person. I am not perfect, I am so so so fake at times, I am to my core real more than not, I follow the crowd sometimes, sometimes I lead, sometimes I run from the crowd. I am not perfect and I do look at other's flaws, at times, to make me feel better about me. How long has that ever lasted for me tho. Not long. I have to stay so busy working on me, that I don't have time to analyze anyone else. I realize, more now than ever, how petty and childish WE ALL are as adults. I remember when I use to think adults were so in control. I was wrong. WE are more flawed than ever...I am more flawed than ever. I think sometimes we believe we are right because we are adults. Peace, love, harmony...all that kumbaya stuff is attainable to a certain extent...but not completely. We will always hate in some people, things we don't really mind in others. The people we love the most will baffle us more often than not. We will judge, we will be judged. We will gossip, we will be gossiped about. We will say the wrong things, we be told the wrong things. It's just how it is. What we have to do is hold ourselves to a higher accountability, work on ourselves more, than we do others. It's hard. My grandma always said the harder things in life are usually the right things. Holding your tongue, apologizing, admitting you are wrong, being the first to let go of anger, letting go. I know she was right. I wont always be the best friend, I wont always be the best wife, mother, daughter, sister, aunt, PERSON...but I can try. So the next time I start to judge or find faults in others...I will try, try to look at myself first and maybe, just maybe, I will find the real reason I want to turn my attention away from myself.
Love,
Uniquely mimicking<3
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